Middle Ground
by speaks
Summary: With the group scheduled to disband in just a few short months, a blowout fight may mean the end of their friendship for good. That is, unless they can find some sort of middle ground.
1. Chapter 1

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 **Middle Ground**

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 _Part 1_

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The birthday torture started months beforehand this year, instead of mere days, so Raven knew something must be off. The teasing, the anticipation. _So… how do you feel about turning 21?_ All that jazz.

 _I don't know,_ she had answered at first, bewildered. _The same as I felt about every other birthday?_

She didn't realize what the twenty first birthday for Americans represented. And once she found out, she had never wanted a party less. There was nothing about a typical American twenty-first birthday that she wanted. The blended factors of being the center of attention, dancing, drinking, bright lights, unpredictable music, piles and piles of amped up, concentrated emotion; it sounded like the ingredients to a nightmare smoothie. None of that appealed to her. It made her stomach turn just thinking about it. She'd almost persuaded her friends not to throw her a party at all when the unthinkable happened. The _city_ decided to throw her a party.

Alright, so it didn't happen quite like that. Robin opened the mail one day to find an invite to a casual gala, a charity drive with over two dozen recipient organizations listed, scheduled for the very day of her birthday that year. Everyone loved those sorts of events except for her and Robin, but Robin couldn't resist the PR value and so it was only Raven left dissenting. She was outnumbered. Down their names went on the guest list. Raven was okay with it, she supposed, and spent the next two months talking herself into the whole ordeal.

Until the last minute.

She even let Starfire dress her up. She almost wanted to goㅡalmost. There was definitely an interest in the whole idea of it, and she suspected she might even enjoy herself if she went along as planned.

But even so, she could see the undisguised discomfort on her own face in the mirror above Starfire's vanity as Star fussed about with her hair, struggling to find a balance that was "Messy, but not too messy. Casually disarrayed but not in a manner that appears contrived. It is a statement. You care, but you also do not." At this point she winked in the mirror and Raven sighed, sinking further into the chair, wondering if there was anyone on this planet that could decipher what Starfire just said.

Raven had long since stopped trying to understand Starfire's fashion agenda and just let her have her way without asking questions. It was simpler than fighting her every step of the way. For Raven it was only a partyㅡbut god forbid she say so. Starfire hummed as she worked with a mischievous sort of bounce in her step, almost like she was preparing Raven for more than just a simple night out.

More than once Raven opened her mouth to ask but, unsure how to work that suspicion into an actual question, she left it unvoiced.

For the event tonight Starfire had talked her into a flowy black skirt and a knitted forget-me-not shirt which hung so loose that she felt justified in not wearing a bra for once. The only ornament on the whole outfit was a silhouetted black rose on the center of the shirt. Looking at it in the mirror now, Raven decided she liked it. Much to her chagrin, Starfire had been right when she'd burst out of the back of her walk-in closet in triumph to announce that she'd found something that perfectly suited her younger friend. Actually, she was a little amused that Starfire still kept around clothes in Raven's size when occasions that called for the need were this rare. It was… sweet.

But by the time they made it to the common room where everyone else was waiting, Raven had already decided to stay home.

"What!" Beast Boy shrieked before she had even finished her sentence. Raven flinched as disappointment quaked around her on all sides.

"Are you sure?" Robin pressed. "Everyone's expecting you."

"Yeah, we cancelled your birthday party for this." Cyborg struggled with his cuff links as he frowned at her. "You said you'd go. We would've dropped out of this thing a long time ago if you'd said something sooner."

"I know," she said, and folded her arms over her stomach. "I'm really sorry, I meant to go. I'm just not feeling up to it. The circus of emotion at parties… It's just too much. There will be over a hundred people there. I can't deal with that today."

"You can't back out now!" Beast Boy abandoned his suit jacket on a kitchen chair and threw his arms up. "Raven, you promised me."

Slightly flustered at his direct attack, Raven sought help from the others with her eyes. Why did he always have to go and make it personal? Beast Boy always found a way of turning her choices into a tug-o-war of wills, and as she found that no one would respond to her wordless plea for help, she realized that this wasn't a team discussion, it was a two-person battle. It always was, whether she liked it or not. There was no denying it to herself, either, that her reluctance to accompany them tonight hinged partially on his matching eagerness for the same. Seven years of living with him meant she didn't even need to read his emotions to know he had been planning something questionable that involved her and the party. It was obvious.

Beast Boy waved his arms impatiently as she continued to avoid both his indignance and his eyes. "Hello," he finally complained. "Earth to Raven. You promised me that you would come tonight. Or did I dream that?"

"I can do whatever I want," she retorted. She felt guilty for chickening out but not so guilty she was going to let him walk all over her. "It's my birthday, isn't it?"

"You _always_ …" he made a frustrated snarling sound and looked for a second like he was going to growl at her, but then he did a complete one-eighty, bursting into a weirdly genuine smile. "You know what, you're right."

"I'm… what?"

"You're right! It's your birthday. Do what you want. See you later, Rae." He gave her a glowing wink before strutting into the hall, forgetting his jacket in the kitchen. "Come on guys! We're gonna be late!"

Raven peered at the open door suspiciously and waved goodbye to her friends as they departed.

"Please," Starfire added as she tucked a last minute flower pin into her braided hair and folded Beast Boy's suit jacket over one arm, "if you change your mind, please do attend. It is better to arrive late than to never arrive at all."

Raven nodded, and breathed pure relief as the door closed. At least it was over. She'd honestly expected much more resistance than that, _especially_ from Beast Boy. Judging on past experience, ninety percent of the resistance should have come from him, loudly and vehemently. It was curious how quickly he'd accepted itㅡdisconcerting, evenㅡnot to mention completely out of character.

Not that she was complaining (her gratitude far outweighed her suspicion). Maybe he was learning to pick his battles. About time, anyway.

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The sun was just setting in the west over the Pacific horizon. Raven decided to spend the remainder of the dying sunlight reading near the window. Her tea kettle began to sing just as she was starting to squint her eyes at the pages, so she flicked on the kitchen light as she rummaged through a cupboard for some loose leaf tea.

The woody smell of ginger and honey gradually filled the cozy kitchen as Raven's tea bled into the water, and she counted _tick-tocks_ on the clock in the silence. It wasn't that she didn't want to go to the party or participate in the festivities. In all honesty the idea of it tugged at her. She'd always been curious about mind-altering substances and she suspected she might enjoy a function like that more with a little of it in her system. But the comfortable silence of an empty house and a heavy book and a hot cup of tea were too tempting to pass up. It wasn't that she didn't want to go; it was just so much easier to stay. There was no risk involved with staying. No risk at all. And considering the narrowly averted apocalyptic disaster that today was the anniversary of, a night of safe silence was really the best birthday present she could wish for.

 _Tick-tock._

The four minutes of steeping were soon up. She went to pull her tea bag out but paused when the emergency alarm on her communicator rang out. Back to work already? Perhaps if it was something small she could take care of it alone to save her friends the trouble of leaving the party. The screen display surprised her though.

 _*INCOMING CALL*_

 _Beast Boy_

She clicked _receive_ and set her jaw. "This had better be good."

" _Ra_ _ㅡ"_ The picture blurred and green flashed to white, then black, then green again. " _He_ _ㅡ_ _ven_ _ㅡ_ _you_ _ㅡ_ _hear me?"_

Worry gripped her. "Are you alright? What's happening?"

She cranked the volume as he replied. " _ㅡ_ _trap!"_ he said clearly, and his face finally focused in frame. Briefly she was able to take in his appearance, which was disheveled and alarmed, before the screen went fuzzy again. It seemed he was running with the communicator in hand. " _ㅡ_ _down here,"_ he was saying. " _We need_ _ㅡ"_

Nothing. The line was dead. The line was dead? The line never went dead unless something really bad was underfoot.

Going into panic mode, Raven ripped open a portal to cross the bay.

She emerged into the darkening city to three missed calls from her other teammates. There was no time to return the calls. As she soared ever more quickly through the night toward the place where she remembered the venue to be she thought could feel the communicator buzzing at her side as her skirt flapped in the wind, but was flying so fast she couldn't hear the alarm. If only she'd changed back into her uniform before she got the distress call. She was ill prepared for battle in this stupid ensemble.

When she arrived at the concert hall that had been listed on the invite she burst through the double doors with eyes blazing, her clothes flapping around her as the evening air cascaded through the building with the force of her entry, ruffling metallic banners and streamers all the way to the far end of the room. The bluesy thrum of guitar became a single discordant twang and subsequent microphone squeal, and a hush fell over the crowd as the few that were dancing stilled and conversations stuttered to a full stop.

Raven frowned, lowering her hands as she realized that there was no visible enemy here, just a confused and slightly startled crowd. The tense silence was broken when Beast Boy pushed through a gaggle of shocked older women, beaming like there was no tomorrow.

"Raven, you made it!" He advanced on her, positively prancing across the tile, closely followed by their other three friends who each looked sorrier than the last. "Here, I seriously need to give this to you before I lose it, because I know I will." He pulled a little wrapped present from the inside pocket of his jacket and she took it automatically, still blinded by confusion. "I know, I know, you hate unwrapping presents, but I couldn't resist wrapping it up."

"I don't understand…"

She scanned the room. Had they already dispatched their opponent without her? Maybe they had misjudged the threat level and hadn't really needed her help. The guitarist on the dias in the back corner of the hall coughed awkwardly into the mic and picked up his song again. Raven couldn't understand what had happened. Why was everyone acting so normal? Maybe Beast Boy… no. She reevaluated him, probing this time at the buzz of his emotions. Sure enough, simmering underneath that ocean of happiness was a positively incriminating amount of sulfurous guilt. There was no way. He really did it. How could he!

Beast Boy knew the moment it clicked on her face, because her expression contorted from puzzlement to fury. "Please don't be mad," he began. "I know what you're gonnaㅡ" But he was cut off by the sharpest slap to the face he'd ever gotten in his life.

Starfire gasped somewhere behind him.

"Okay," he growled, holding his hand to his cheek as he turned back to Raven with a glare. "Fucking, ow."

Robin stepped in front of him deftly, raising his hands to deflect any further physical attack. "Sorry, Raven, we told him not to do it. We tried to call you to tell you he was faking it but you didn't answer."

More furious than she'd been in years and in no mood for that leadership angle of his, Raven used her powers to tug Robin aside by his suit jacket. "That is the last straw, you jackass." She threw the present back at Beast Boy and he fumbled to catch it, mirroring her aggression. "I can't believe you did this. You took it too far this time. Too far."

"Stop reaming me," he snapped, the paper crunching under his death grip on the little box. "I just wanted you to have fun, and this is what I get?"

"My idea of fun is _not_ the same as yours. Why don't you know when to just leave me alone?"

"You wanted to come!" he burst, almost laughing at the absurdity of it all. She had even seemed excited about the party for a moment there before totally backing out at the last second with no warning. "You had already agreed to go. You even got all dolled up andㅡ"

"I did not get 'dolled up,'" she seethed, abhorring his poor choice of words.

Beast Boy dragged one hand down his face in exasperation. "Dude, you're completely fixating on the wrong part of this, as usual. You said you'd come then you _bailed_ on us."

Raven shoved away his accusing finger as he pointed it at her. "Don't try to turn this around." That was not going to stay her wrath this time. "I don't care what I said or what I promised. It's completely irrelevant now. You _tricked_ me," she accused, "youㅡyou _snake!_ "

The guitarist faltered on the stage again, mumbling uncertainties into the mic as Beast Boy and Raven's argument reached max volume and became impossible for the partygoers to ignore.

"Ha, ha," Beast Boy sneered as saccharinely as he possibly could, "can't insult me with animal names." He gestured wildly at his entire body. "Or did you forget?"

"Shut _up_ ," Raven shot back, her hair on end with black electricity as she struggled to keep her emotions from lashing out through her powers. "Just shut up. You exploited my emotions, Beast Boy!"

He smoothed his hair back, so far beyond the elation he'd felt upon her arrival. Right now he wanted to burn the entire venue to the ground with her present at the center. "You're just mad cause I'm the only one who figured out how."

"Yes, I'm mad," she breathed through her teeth, "and getting madder. So why don't you bite your tongue and apologize to me before I grow two extra eyes." She didn't care that everyone at the entire event was watching them and listening. If Beast Boy didn't apologize for this stunt right here and now she was never going to speak to him again.

"No way!" Beast Boy almost burst a vein in his forehead. "Not this time, not happening. I am not apologizing for this. All I wanted was for you to _be_ here. How is that too much to ask?" Cyborg put his hand on Beast Boy's shoulder tentatively but Beast Boy shoved him off without even looking. "No, maybe I went overboard but you don't _respond_ to anything less! It's not like I ask for the whole goddamn moon, Rae, just care about _something_ that I want just _once_."

"I don't owe you anything." It always came back to that. Somehow he managed to make this more personal than it ever should have been. Him and her. "You're not _entitled_ to my presence in your life."

"Wow." He hit her with the same look of betrayal he had when she'd slapped him. Cyborg tried to intervene again, this time with Starfire as backup, but he shrugged them both off with increasing vigor. "Leave me alone, guys. Seriously, stay out of this." He looked at Rae again in the coldest way he ever had. "You really are heartless, you know that?"

That stung. The depth of the sting surprised her. She had to turn away from him, and answered quietly so that only he would hear her carefully picked words. "Maybe you should have thought of that when you were trying to use my heart to puppeteer me then."

Beast Boy reeled, hands on his forehead. This was just too much. Too rich.

Finally he found the words to respond to that doozy of an accusation. "Would you climb down off your high fucking horse! _Jeez!_ If you can't learn how to have fun and take a joke then you are _never_ gonna be happy."

At this point Raven passed over the threshold from anger into a dangerous calm. Her voice was venomous and quiet. "Taking everything as a joke is so much worse than not being able to take one at all. Maybe that's why _you're_ so unhappy."

He couldn't help it. He laughed. It was a short bark of laughter that lingered in the muffled silence that had overtaken the party. The only other sound in the room was the AC as it dutifully pumped frosty air into the room. He laughed again, not knowing how else to respond. There was nothing left to say. His eyes became glued to the ceramic tile and he loosened his tie just for something to distract him from the hundreds of prying eyes.

"Uh.. Sorry you all had to witness this very ugly and very public breakup," he joked a bit too loudly, in what he hoped was a devil-may-care tone. "Next round of drinks is on Robin." Uncertain mutterings rose around him as he ducked around Raven toward the exit, followed by Robin's loud denial of any such thing happening. "Have fun," he hissed at Raven flippantly as he passed her.

"I will."

That stopped him. He turned back to face her with slow-motion incredulity. "Seriously? _Now_ you want to stay?"

"Yes." She crossed her arms, determined to come out on top of this. "Wasn't that what you wanted?"

Beast Boy couldn't even muster the energy to look angry. The wind had left his sails. "You are so spiteful," he spat.

Raven dug her fingernails into her arms. "And you're relentless."

"Not anymore, sweetheart." He gave her a sarcastic wave and turned heel. "This guy is relenting. Forever." Near the door he grabbed a guy around his age by the tie and pushed the half-squished present into his hands. The man opened his mouth in utter confusion but Beast Boy was already walking away. "It's yours," he called back. "Keep it, give it away, I don't care."

"Beast Boy," Starfire called after him, flying toward the door, but he ignored her plea.

" _No one_ follow me," he snapped, and the door slammed behind him.

Robin appeared at Raven's side, and she could feel the anger and sadness and sympathy rolling off him in waves (for which friend he felt the sympathy for, she didn't know, and didn't want to). "Raven, maybe you shouldㅡ"

Before he could finish, Raven briskly took leave of him. "I know how to have fun," she remarked under her breath to no one in particular.

How dare Beast Boy say such a horrible thing to her. And did she really put off such an unhappy vibe? She chanced a sweeping glance at the rest of the party, allowing herself to believe for a moment that Beast Boy was right. No one was looking her way, though. They had resolutely gone back to their own conversations, dutifully skirting around the catastrophe that had just happened. The disinterest seemed forced but she was grateful anyway.

Cyborg caught up with her at the bar. "Does this mean you really are staying, then? I thought you were just saying that."

"I'm staying." The stool creaked angrily as she yanked it back with her powers and took a seat. The bartender sidled toward them almost guiltily, adjusting the bandana tied around her flaming red hair and hiding her eyes beneath her bangs. "I turned twenty-one today so I guess I'll have a… whatever," she finished, realizing she didn't know the name of a single alcoholic beverage.

The woman behind the counter leaned forward on one elbow, like Raven had just ordered a space-age mattress. "What the heck is a Whatever? I've never mixed one of those."

Raven turned to Cyborg for help. "Two glasses of the house wine please," he corrected.

"Make it three! Please, what is a house wine?" Starfire whispered conspiratorially to Cyborg as the bartender carded them and turned away to pour their drinks. But even as he opened his mouth to explain the intricacies of wine-lingo to her, Starfire redirected her attention to the girl between them, humming and hawing before finally coming out with it. "I believe I must mirror Beast Boy's unfortunate words and express my regret for the very ugly and very public breaking up. I seem to recall the phrase 'breaking up' as reference to that of lovers parting ways." That sentence caused Raven to inhale her first sip of red wine. Starfire traced the top of her own untouched wine glass with her forefinger, making it sing. It was a low, haunting note. She looked confused. "I was not aware that you were dating. I thought..."

"Weㅡ _aren't_ ," Raven finally choked, rasping. "And weren't," she clarified. "He only said that to rile me up."

Cyborg sighed into his glass. "He certainly is good at that."

"I don't want to talk about Beast Boy," she stated with rigid finality. "I am going to have a good time here, even if it kills me." And that meant forgetting all about him.

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It was more than two hours later that she finally freed herself from Starfire's insatiable need to dance and took a seat at the bar top once more, this time in the farthest corner where the counter curved away toward the wall, hiding her somewhat from view to the majority of the room. Her head was swimming. The room was swimming. What was she even doing here? The bartender set a glass in front of her that she hadn't ordered and Raven was about to say so when she realized it was a glass of cool ice water. She blinked in surprise and had almost remembered how to say 'thanks' in English when the redhead winked at her and scampered away to help someone else.

Raven flattened the folds in her skirt, wishing she could be anywhere else but here. Anywhen else but now. The music faded to the back of her awareness and left her somewhat numb and dissociated from the world around her. All of her anger had ebbed, leaving only sadness. She refused to think about it yet, and the stuff sloshing around in her stomach was really helping with that, but already in the back of her mind she was recognizing that she had made a very big mistake tonight.

The stool next to her squeaked. Someone slid into it and drummed their fingers on the counter. Great. She averted her gaze not-so-subtly, but the person spoke up anyway.

"Hey there, Raven." She didn't recognize his voice. "Okay, you look like you don't want to talk, and you totally don't have to. I respect that. I have something for you though."

Her curiosity drew her to finally look at him. His appearance jogged her memory, in a vague, half-dreamt sort of way. She studied his plaid suit jacket, the dreads pulled back into a ponytail, the spring green eyes. No, she was pretty sure she didn't know him.

Only then did she look at the hand he held out. Raven opened hers and he dropped something into it, tiny and cold. She held it aloft, everything else blurring in the background as her eyes focused on the little silver teardrop that hung from the delicate chain. A necklace? A stranger was giving her a necklace? As a hero, she'd dealt with her fair share of secret admirers and tangential creepy gifts, and with this being her birthday she probably should have seen something like this coming. But this was just… the worst timing. _Tonight?_ Of all nights?

Normally she would have simply handed the necklace back and went on her dreary way, but she had just about had it with boys. So it was with teeth bared that she turned back to him, her judgement just impaired enough for her to imagine dunking this guy's head into the icebox on the other side of the counter. But before she could speak, he did.

"I know!" he said. "It's cheesy. But hear me out. This is our last year together as a team and I don't want you to forget me when I'm gone."

It was at this point that Raven's muddled brain noticed that he wasn't spouting this nonsense from nowhere. He was reading these words from a piece of paper.

"I don't wanna forget you either," he read on. "That's why I've got the other half. I know, the cheese. It's unbearable. But you're kinda sorta really super important to me. So, please. Take it?"

"Other half?" she wondered aloud, peering at the glistening teardrop. She didn't understand. It didn't look like half of anything.

Not understanding that her question wasn't rhetorical, the boy with the dreads offered her a gentle half-committed smile in lieu of an answer. Raven knew where she recognized him from now. Earlier tonight. This was the one Beast Boy had snagged from the crowd by the tie and gifted her present to when she had refused it. The boy in question slid the creased paper toward Raven and she inched away from it subconsciously, eyes quickly sliding past the quick, sloppy scrawl to the signature at the bottom.

 _Love,_

 _BB_

The paper crinkled as Raven pushed it out of the way to drop her forehead onto her arms and groan incoherently. She felt so lost and forlorn that she didn't even flinch when her new friend leaned over to pat her shoulder understandingly.

"Boys are the worst," he joked after a long silence.

Raven could only groan more and squeeze her eyes shut. "Girls can be pretty awful too."

"Far be it for me to suggest it, but… maybe it's time for you to go home." His voice was light and airy and carried that shade of youthful wisdom that was easy to pick out, even with her empathic senses darkened by the night's activities.

She knew what he was really getting at, anyway. "He won't be there," she mumbled. "He never goes home when he's mad."

The boy chucked drily. "Raven," he began with an air of practicality, "Trust meㅡI know boys, and... I don't think he was mad." He emphasized the word _mad_ in an odd and open-ended way that caused her to tilt her head enough to peek at him between two locks of hair.

He pointed at the signature on the note. "Maybe you guys need to talk?" he proposed.

She sighed, sitting up to wrap the chain tightly around her wrist with the note tucked in. "Yeah. I think we do."

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 _Stupid_. _So stupid to think we ever had a chance._ Outside the concert hall, Beast Boy scared a flock of doves into flight as he fled across the street. _She's impenetrable._ On the flight home he beat his wings so hard he almost pulled a muscle. _Unreachable._ On the way down from the roof he must have punched the wall five or six times, and only stopped when he split a knuckle. _Stubborn._

He listened to heavy metal and downed a beer and thought about what a relief it would be if he never saw Raven again, because it was _so_ much work to love her.

He drank the second one with a little less vigor and listened to folk rock, genuinely trying to figure out what was stopping him from flying all the way back to Africa right this minute.

He was halfway through his third when he switched to jazz and stopped his pacing to stare out the window at that familiar neon skyline across the bay, knowing in his heart that he'd messed this up for good. Whatever this was.

 _Stupid..._

Whatever they'd had, it was gone now. He'd seen it sputter out like a poorly struck match in the dark, the instant she realized he'd tricked her.

The Miles Davis album ended then so he listened to nothing. He slid to the ground with his fourth, his back to the glass wall, and listened to nothing. He'd always been uncomfortable with total silence. Hearing his own heart beating in his chest, the far off creaks and moans of structure and earth, the squeaks and slithers of animals and insects doing all manner of unspeakable things, an untameable, immutable inner monologue that just would not shut up inside his head andㅡworst of allㅡnothing to distract him from it.

Silence was torture. So he bore it like a penance until Raven came home.


	2. Chapter 2

I'm so dramatic haha. Someone kill me.

* * *

 _Part 2_

* * *

It was a long flight back and she almost had to take a boat across the bay. Try as she might she couldn't open a portal, and couldn't even conjure enough energy to move her own hair out of her eyes without resorting to using her hands like a regular person. Going in, she hadn't realized the extent to which drinking would affect her powers. The knowledge might have helped her turn down those last few drinks.

She wobbled up the stairs on legs that felt like they belonged to someone else. Back on the ground, it was easy (in two-dimensional logic) to see how anything that affected her motor skills and mental functions would affect her higher functions to the same degree. She was fairly certain it would go away just as quickly as the alcohol flushed out of her system, but still, she didn't particularly like it. The vulnerability, that is. She couldn't raise her empathic senses farther than her own inner turmoil, so she had no idea if anyone was even home. If _he_ was even…

In the doorway to the common room, she froze.

He was there alright, sitting with his back to the glass wall, alone in complete darkness. He didn't react to her entry at all. It was almost a full minute before she could force herself to close the distance, desperately trying to remember all the apologies she had practiced as she flew across the ocean toward the island. But she couldn't recall anything beyond _I'm sorry._ He didn't look up as she approached, or even when she stumbled against an empty bottle and waited as it rolled away. The rattle of glass on the tile floor was deafening.

In the faint cyan light cast off the faraway skyscrapers she could make out the outline of his face, and as her eyes finally adjusted to the darkness she saw a telltale glisten in his eyes. He looked away, rubbing absently at the moisture there. Just like that, any anger that was still leftover in her system went _whooshing_ out in the form of guilt, collapsing her to her knees next to him. He scarcely had time to meet her eyes before she fell on him, latching her arms around his shoulders and still expecting him to reject her. But he didn't. Instead of throwing her away he crushed her to his chest. Her skirt twisted up underneath her knees as he pulled her off balance, burying his face in her hair with a great big shuddering breath of relief.

"I'm sorry," she blurted, still breathless from the flight home and the stairs, "I'm sorry. I said some horrible stuff and I didn't mean any of it. I was just so mad, but it doesn't make it okay. I don't know what else to say except I'm sorry."

Relaxing his grip on her, Beast Boy pushed her upright by the shoulders, a bemused expression having replaced the forlorn one. "Are you drunk?"

"What?" Instinctively she brushed his arms off, trying to right herself. "I'm not…" She sat back on her folded legs, facing the window with a degree of embarrassment that would have fractured the glass had her powers not been muted. "I did drink, yeah. How did you know?"

Beast Boy leaned back against the glass, poking his head back into her field of view. "You hugged me," he pointed out, and didn't mention that it was the most emotional hug he'd ever received in his life, "and apologized first, before I even had a chance."

Still flushed and slightly ashamed now, Raven gestured to the empty beer bottle she'd stumbled into, growing defensive. "You're drunk too," she accused.

He didn't bite. "I can't believe I missed all the fun," he complained. "What was your favorite?"

"I dunno," Raven sighed. The fun had all been superficial, without him there. "They were all pretty gross. The worst was this tall blue thing Starfire ordered for me with a really obscene name."

Beast Boy's eyes bugged out. "You drank an Adios Motherfucker? _You?_ " He ignored Raven's indignant glance at his shamelessness. "God, and here I am drinking shitty beer like a loser."

"You're not a loser," she answered automatically.

"No, I am."

She was taken aback by the weight in his voice, and suddenly the reason why they were here on the floor slammed into her, winding her again. The fight. _That_ fight. The fight to end all fights. That one.

He saw her clamming up again and tried to look as penitent as he felt. "I am so sorry, Rae. I acted like a total ass. Everyone was telling me not to do it but I just… I wanted you there so bad. I wanted to give you your present." He tugged at a loose seam on his rolled-up sleeves, looking very lost. "I knew it was a bad idea, but I… I don't know. When it comes to you, my judgement gets all…" He trailed off, his eyes stormy and distant as he weighed his words. She had almost decided he wasn't going to finish the sentence at all when he finally decided on, "Cloudy."

Cloudy? Raven thought about every fight they'd ever had and nodded once, solemnly. "I know what you mean."

"Maybe we…" Beast Boy sighed, rapping his head against the glass on accident but not really noticing. "Do you think we were never meant to be friends?" He could see her shifting uncomfortably in his peripheral vision but he couldn't look her in the eye.

It was a long minute before Raven found the words to reply, and even then they came slowly. "I don't… believe that um… _anything_ is meant to be," she said softly, "anymore, that is. You know that."

His lip quirked. How could he have forgotten? "Right," he chuckled. "I forgot today was the literal anniversary of giving fate the middle finger."

"What I mean, is that I think it's completely up to us."

"We're not very good at being friends," he said listlessly.

"No." She shivered. "We're not." She'd come so close earlier to convincing herself never to see him again. How could she have fooled herself into thinking she wanted that?

"Hey, you okay?"

His hand was on her shoulder but she couldn't feel it. All of her emotion from the whole night came to a head and she burst like a dam. "We can't do this anymore," she spilled, "we can't fight like this, we have to stop. I don't even know how it escalates so quickly but if we keep letting it happen it's going to ruin our friendship. I don't want that." _I don't want to lose you._ "We only have a few months left before we disband and if we ruin this now then we're ruining it forever."

Beast Boy's eyes were like saucers as he pressed a hand to her cheek, amazed to find that it was wet. "Woah, woah, it's okay," he floundered. "You're crying and your powers aren't going haywire. Are you alright?"

Frustrated, she huffed. "I'm drunk, you idiot. It's dulling all my powers." And her carefully practiced emotional stability. She was definitely going to pay for this emotional rollercoaster when she sobered up. "It took me thirty minutes just to fly home."

"Oh." He smiled gently, pushing her hair away from her wet cheeks, his stomach flipping a little when she offered no resistance. "It's okay," he insisted, "really. Please don't cry. I did enough of that for both of us already."

"I don't even know why I'm crying," she grumbled, using her sleeve to wipe the blurred makeup from under her eyes. "I know we're making up right now but I still feel so upset… Alcohol is awful. Why do people even like it? I spent most of the night thinking I might never speak to you again but then that guy gave me your present," (Beast Boy's heart palpitated as she gestured to the thin chain wrapped around her wrist. So she got it after all!) "and I didn't know what to think and I feel so angry and guilty and sad and happy and _so_ confused, Garfield."

The use of his real name escaped his notice. He had never seen her cry freely before and the experience was jarring him more than words could describe. He didn't know _what_ to do so he hazarded it and pulled her into another hug. She went limp and let her head fall into the crook of his shoulder.

"Hey, you know I didn't really mean it when I said I was relenting forever," he assured her, chin bobbing against the top of her head. "You know me. I don't give up. And that includes giving up on you."

"We have to find some sort of middle ground," she reasoned, her voice muffled by the pressed fabric of his dress shirt. "I don't ever want to fight like that again. I mean it," she added after a moment. "Our fighting days are over."

"What?" He feigned being aghast at the implication. "You mean we have to talk things out like rational adults? Ugh, gross. No, but really," he tacked on softly. "Whatever you say, Rae. For you, I am willing to compromise. I'll meet you wherever you wanna meet me."

She sighed, and Beast Boy could tell she was no longer crying. Her fingers curled loosely into the sleeve folds at his elbow. "Here is good," she said.

His heart was abuzz in his ears. "Yeah," he agreed, acutely aware of every inch of his body that touched hers. "Here is good."

"Can I tell you something before I sober up?" she mumbled.

"Let me think about it…" He pressed his cheek into her hair. "Yes."

She pushed away from him, taking a moment to find his eyes and steel herself for the admission. "I…" She breathed. In. Out. "You're kinda.. sorta.. really super important to me too." The rest of it tumbled out and she could feel her already warm cheeks getting warmer.

"Oh?" His grin was infectious. "Is that so?"

"Yes," Raven said seriously. "Too important to forget." Something shifted in his eyes then, and she thought for a moment he was going to kiss her.

She remembered quite clearly the first time she thought he was going to do that.

It was on this very same day, years ago, when her friends went off to try and cheat destiny for her sake. At first he'd turned to follow them, but then came right back, eyes blazing, emotions churning in a torrent even she couldn't read without an encyclopedia, and for a heart-stopping moment as he moved toward her she had truly believed he was about to kiss her. But he'd pressed his lucky penny into her hand instead.

There had been other times, too. Once at a movie theatre when they ended up alone due to a ticket mix-up. Once on a long trip to Germany. Once in the snow. Once on the roof. Once in the courtyard of some municipal building after a particularly rough battle that involved a civilian casualty. She had taken a seat next to him on the bench even though he said he was fine and squeezed his hand. They'd lived together, grown together, fought together, lost together. She knew him. His pain was visible to her through his stoic facade without any need to employ her empathic powers. But when he squeezed her hand back she had looked up in surprise to find the pain of loss replaced by another kind entirely.

That time was the closest it came to actually happening. He leaned in, stopping only when their noses brushed, his breath on her lips. And to her eternal confusion, he withdrew.

He always did.

But it was that first time that swam into her head now when he leaned toward her in _that_ way, that way he had, with so much purpose packed in the simple motion. It was the penny that she thought of when he hesitated, and instead of kissing her reached for the necklace coiled around her wrist.

He unraveled it, setting the note aside and offering up the necklace with a ' _May I?'_ sort of expression. Understanding belatedly, Raven pulled her hair aside to let him fasten it around her neck.

His fingers lingered on the clasp far longer than it actually took to find the hook. Eventually he abandoned all pretense and pushed his fingers into the base of her hair, fighting an internal battle that had become familiar. He remembered the first time he had almost kissed her. The memory was crystallized, along with all the other times, each more difficult than the last. He wanted to. He really did, more than anything, god, he wanted to. But that wasn't enough.

 _Why?_ She wanted to ask. _Why do you always hesitate?_

She'd often assumed it was because she wasn't good enough. Because she was too this. Too that. Too _Raven_. Or that maybe because the timing was wrong. Maybe he was just waiting for the right time. But now, with his hand lingering on her neck, she realized faintly that the only thing he'd ever really been waiting for was her.

As soon as that clicked, it was like all the lights had turned on. Something inside her ignited and she kissed him.

Beast Boy was blinded by surprise. Her kissing _him?_ It was so unexpected. So unexpected and so, oh so very welcome. He still hadn't even fully registered that it was happening until her arms locked around his neck and then it was like a fire had erupted inside him and he was kissing her back, twisting his arms around her, falling back against the window under the full weight of her body. She gasped softly when he took her lip between his teeth and he had to struggle not to pin her to the ground right then and there.

"This is so much better than fighting," he managed to say between breaths.

A soft little _clik_ caused them both to separate and look downward. Raven grabbed her necklace, tugging on it a bit. It had attached itself to an identical one that she hadn't noticed him wearing, and the two teardrops hung connected between them, impervious to Raven's gentle pulling. Something stirred in her memory. _Other half._

"Don't say it," he groaned, "I know, it's the sappiest thing ever." He blushed furiously, knowing how Raven felt about all things sappy. "They're magnetic, see?" Averting his eyes from her all-knowing ones, he pried the two pendants apart and let them _clik_ back together again.

" _Oh."_ Genuine comprehension dawned on her with such explosive immediacy that she felt like a total imbecile. Damn mind-muddling alcohol. The necklace wasn't a teardrop at all.

She lifted the little silver heart to eye level, amazed at how seamlessly the two teardrop shapes fit together when before she hadn't even realized that half of it was missing. It was a marvel of engineering. Squinting at him, she wondered how much he had paid for it, but didn't ask. She broke the magnetic connection and tucked hers safely inside her shirt so that they wouldn't stick.

"The sappiest," she confirmed. "But…" Hesitantly, she adjusted her position, sliding one leg onto the other side of his lap so that she was looking down at him instead of sitting next to him. His hands found their way to her hips immediately so she knew she must have done something right. "I think it will grow on me," she finished.

"I knew it." He kissed her neck, sliding his hands up her waist to feel the marble skin there. "Does this count as middle ground?" he wondered aloud. He ran a longing hand across her warm stomach and savored the way she shivered.

On his chest her hands roved up to fiddle with his collar. "I don't know," she admitted. "I think we're in uncharted waters here."

"Uncharted is okay." He groaned as she pressed against him, her body soft and hot and wakening urges that would shame the wildest of animals. "Right?" he checked, knowing that she was feeling exactly what was happening to him.

"Yes," she said, hesitant, her toes clenching a little involuntarily at the sudden awareness of the intimate way their bodies were pressed together. "It's okay."

He trailed his hand further up her stomach, gauging the reaction on her face. She looked faint, in a really good way, so he moved higher, dragging her loose hanging shirt as he went. When the fabric cleared her breasts he was shocked to realize she hadn't worn a bra today and had let him continue anyway. As he filtered all this fascinating new information through his foggy drunk brain she tilted her hips into his, and he _knew_ she knew what that was doing to him. It was _killing_ him is what it was doing, and that mischievous look on her face was telling him she knew.

This was what he was talking about when he said ' _cloudy.'_ How was he supposed to remember how to behave when she looked at him like that?

A husky sort of growl escaped his chest when she shifted again almost impatiently, and he brushed an exploratory thumb under her breast. It was so warm between them but her nipples stood out in the dark like it was glacial in here. His other thumb hooked into the waistband of her skirt as he leaned forward to kiss that rigid velvet crest. She pressed her lips tightly together and let out the softest, most tantalizing sound as his breath met her exposed skin, and then,

 _clik._

They both looked down to see that their necklaces had clacked together again. If it hadn't happened they would have most certainly been caught.

Instead, after a beat of silence they both fell to nervous laughter, but then froze dead at the sound of the main door sliding open. In half a heartbeat they scrambled away from each other. Raven teleported across the room in weird, clumsy bursts, bumping into two dining chairs and the coffee table on her way before ending up at the couch. When the lights turned on she was hiding her breathlessness and trying to look bored, and Beast Boy was across the room in the kitchen, hiding behind the counter and pouring a glass of water.

Cyborg spoke first, slamming into third gear damage-control mode when he realized they'd just waltzed into a room that housed both Beast Boy and Raven. At once. Midfight. "Oh no."

"It's fine," Raven announced immediately, "don't bother. We made up."

"What? Seriously?" Robin followed in after Cyborg and Starfire, skepticism dominating his face. "Already? I don't believe it. Beast Boy, tell me my ears aren't deceiving me."

"Oh yeah, we're totally golden. Super-friends. Best of the best, Rob, double plus good." He refused to look anyone in the eye as he rattled off his manic answer and held his glass of water partially in front of his face.

Robin obviously did not find that very convincing so Raven added, "Yes, we really are fine. Right as rain."

"As rain," Beast Boy chittered behind his glass of water.

"What glorious news!" Starfire rejoiced, bounding into the center of the room, unsure whether to fly towards Raven or Beast Boy in her excitement and settling for spinning in circles instead. "This calls for a celebration!"

Cyborg draped his enormous coat over the back of the couch, eyeing Star like she'd finally gone mad. "We just got home from a celebration," he said. "Or did I hallucinate the last four hours?"

"I mean a _personal_ celebration," she insisted. "Just us friends." Nostalgia overwhelmed her face and burned so hot that Raven actually felt it a little, even though her powers were impaired. "We only have a few short months left to live together and it has been quite some time since weㅡ"

"Oh no," Raven groaned, "not theㅡ"

"Oh yes!" Cyborg interrupted.

He and Starfire exclaimed as one. "Blanket fort!"

.

.

Raven refused to move from the couch so they ended up building it around her. They used all manner of things that should not have been allowed, from broomsticks to electrical wire to superglue, and an indeterminable amount of time later they were all crowded inside. Everything glowed pink from the lava lamp Beast Boy had insisted as the light source instead of flashlights.

Raven gazed down at her friends on the floor from her prized spot on the couch. Cyborg had dragged a flatscreen inside and the four of them were now competing in some sort of bizarre puzzle game that had everyone losing to the artificial opponent. She allowed herself a moment of reflection on the years they'd spent together, and was surprised how choked up she immediately became. She squashed down the emotions when the blanket ceiling rustled, suspecting that the alcohol was starting to wear off and not wanting to bring the whole fort down by succumbing to sentimentality.

At some point after failing out of the game for good, Beast Boy magically procured more beer from some unknown fold of the blanket and passed them around. But the next time Raven looked Cyborg had sneakily replaced them with water bottles. It was probably after two in the morning when Starfire put on a movie, and by then Cyborg had already shut down for the night. Raven didn't last past the opening scene.

When the credits rolled, Beast Boy glanced over his shoulder at her. She looked so comfortable, but he knew how she hated to wake up on the couch. With a covert glance at the others to make sure they were all snoring, he clambered over Raven and off the back of the couch, pulling apart a bit of the blanket wall to make way. She barely stirred when he reached back over to lift her.

The hallway was dark but with both hands full he had to find his way by memory. Wasn't too hard. He could walk these halls in his dreams and remember each crook and cranny with painstaking clarity. He nudged the elevator button with her elbow and leaned against the wall as the doors closed, suddenly tired and overcome with sadness. The sorrow came back with a vengeance. He couldn't believe that all of this would soon be over.

She began to wake up when the elevator dinged, and her eyes pried open when he got to her bedroom door and whispered, "Crud."

"Beas...? Why are you..." She looked up at him and then down at the ground, trying to figure out where she was and what was happening.

"Just taking you to bed," he whispered back, regretting the phrasing instantly but moving on. "What's your passcode?" He'd forgotten he would need to wake her up to get in.

"Uh." She blinked blearily. "It's…3, 5, 8, 13."

"Gotcha." He shifted her weight and punched it in but was met with a glaring red light and a harsh beep. He tried again but met the same result. "I don't think that was right, Rae."

"No, you're right. Wait. 34, 55...89. Try that."

Red light, _beep beep._ "That's a negative."

She screwed up her eyebrows and looked at her hands, counting on her fingers in a seemingly random order and finally giving up. She leaned over and punched in 213455 but was met with a red light and three piercing beeps. A message flashed up on the display.

 _Too many failed attempts. Try again in 1 hour._

Raven groaned and struggled to stand. Beast Boy set her down, torn between reactions. "How can you not remember your password? You use it every day!"

"I change it weekly," she grumbled, trying to hard-reboot the mechanism but only succeeding in upping the time to three hours. "Numbers from the Fibonacci sequence. I just can't remember which ones I was on."

Beast Boy snorted. "That is so needlessly complicated."

" _You're_ needlessly complicated. Ugh, now I'll have to sleep in the guest room. That place still smells like fish." She groaned again, remembering how the smell had never quite come out of the furniture after Aqualad's last stay.

Beast Boy leaned on her door, a dangerous idea blossoming. "You don't have to sleep in the guest room." She raised an eyebrow. "I mean…" He rubbed his neck, suddenly shy. "My room smells a _little_ like ocean but it's not as bad."

Raven finally stopped pressing buttons and registered what he had suggested. After a long moment she felt herself nodding. "Yeah. That'd be okay."

"Want me to carry you?" he joked as she followed him back up the hall.

"Not necessary."

"Pay close attention," he announced, "to the complicated algorithm I used to determine my password." He slowly typed in his four-digit passcode, then winked when it flashed green and opened the door. "Not. The password is my birthday."

Raven glared. He thought he was so funny.

Beast Boy beamed. He knew he was funny.

"You wanna borrow some pajamas?" he whispered, not bothering to turn on a light. He dug through some drawers and came up with something soft. "I hope you don't mind but I always sleep in the nude. Kidding!" he added hastily, seeing her glare in the soft light from the window. What a terrible joke, what was he thinking? "Kidding, kidding." He jumped on the lower bunk after deftly switching into sweatpants. Raven was still standing in the middle of the room, clutching the clothes he'd handed her to her chest. "You coming or what? I'm sleepy, Rae."

"Me too," she agreed. She felt his eyes on her. She knew if she asked him he would turn away while she changed. It was dark, but not so dark that he couldn't see her. She could see her own skin outlined in faint yellow and blue, coming through the glass, reflected off the sea. But she didn't want to ask him. Something inside her burned as he watched the flowy skirt slide down her legs with rapt attention. She'd never felt this wanted before. It felt good.

So then… why was she still sad?

She straightened the shirt he'd loaned her, trying to make out the words on it in the dark. _Dark Side of the Moon_ she finally deciphered, with a picture of a prism beneath it. For some reason Beast Boy laughed when she informed him that there was no dark side of the moon, not really. She paused at the window on her way over, soaking in the dark of the sea and the city lights plunged deep in clouds. Honestly, she was just buying time as she worked up the courage to say what she needed to say. She wasn't stupid. She knew what was left still hurting, and she knew how to fix it.

So by the time he pulled her down by the arm into bed she had already decided to ask him. He pulled her close and wrapped his arms around her, but before he could kiss her she gently pushed him away, donning a serious expression. "Listen… What do you think about partnering up with me when the team disbands?"

Beast Boy blinked. It took him a minute to respond. "Do you mean it? Like… for hero stuff? Or..."

"We need more time to work on our friendship," she said. "And…" Her eyes grazed over the glowstars that were pasted all over the bottom of the upper bunk as she picked her next few words. "I think we could be good together."

At that point he rolled over, blocking out the stars as he placed his arms on either side of her. "Yes."

"Yes? To which part?"

"Yes!"

Raven frowned. "You mean you want toㅡ"

" _Yes_."

Again, she pushed him off. "God, it's like talking to a parrot."

He only laid back down with a chuckle, lounging on his arms. "Animal insults, honey. They just don't work!"

Raven pressed one hand over her eyes, wondering what fresh hell she had gotten herself into. "Please don't call me honey."

"Sweetheart, then."

"Ugh, no."

"Bae?"

"No!"

Beast Boy huffed. "I'm running out of pet names, love, you're gonna have to pick one."

Raven's mouth fell open but her retort got caught in her throat. Unfortunately her speechlessness did not go unnoticed. "Oh shit, we have a winner!" he chuckled, eyes closed and looking quite pleased with himself. By the time Raven thought of something scathing enough to reply with, he was already sound asleep.

ㅡ

Life at the breakfast table was almost back to normal. Almost.

"I'm so glad you two have reconciled," Starfire observed over her bowl of cereal. "I was worried this was the Big One."

"Who says it wasn't?" Beast Boy answered, aiming a wink at Raven, who met his gaze impassively.

"You don't need to worry Starfire, we're not going to be fighting anymore." Raven drank her tea deliberately, unable yet to truly process all that had happened last night and what it meant for the future. "At least, we'll try our best."

"Really," Beast Boy agreed, all joking aside. "Things are different now." He offered Raven a shy smile from across the table, fondly remembering what it had been like to wake up in the same bed, her arm draped across his chest. He had to wonder which part she was remembering when a sudden blush caused her to look away.

Robin leaned back against his chair and smiled, surveying the two of them from the end of the table. "That's really mature of you guys. I'll admit you had me worried last night. But I always knew, even back in the early days when you guys seemed to hate each other, that you'd meet somewhere in the middle someday. I think that day is today. And you know, I'm kinda proud."

"Thanks, Rob." Beast Boy took a sip of his orange juice and almost gagged, turning a little greener than normal for a moment. "I can't believe none of you guys are hungover," he observed as he relinquished the idea of enjoying his breakfast. "I'm pissed."

"We really won the genetic lottery," Cyborg joked from his left side. "I'm half robot, Star's got a hyperaccelerated digestive system, Rae's got those nifty healing powers."

Beast Boy scowled. "So what's Robin, then? A sorceror?"

"Try designated driver," the accused answered genially. "And I, for one, can't believe that you _are_ hungover," he jabbed halfheartedly, "considering you're still twenty."

Beast Boy duly ignored him. "Ugh, my head hurts and there's some sort of bird squawking in my ear."

"Whatever," Cyborg laughed. "He's only a month off, Rob. Cut him some slack."

"Yeah, Rob, cut him some slack." Beast Boy poked at his pancakes for a few minutes before he realized the reason they tasted so bad was because he'd forgotten to put syrup on them. "Hey, love? Could you pass the syrup, por favor y gracias?"

At that odd question everyone save Raven perked up, but Beast Boy was gazing at his pancakes like his future was spelled out in butter and it was unclear who he'd been talking to. Cyborg looked across the table at Starfire and mouthed the word ' _love?'_ incredulously, and they both turned to Robin, who gave a frazzled sort of shrug. As if in answer to the three friends' unvoiced question, the syrup promptly floated across the table, darkened a bit by the energy required to move it.

Raven hadn't even looked up from her tea. "De nada," she answered in monotone.

She didn't have it in her to chastise him for being so blasé. What could she say? They'd been calling each other names for years, but it seemed that he'd finally found one she liked.

* * *

 _end_

* * *

Thanks for reading, as always. Love you guys.


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